Neuro-Linguistic Programming

The language of beliefs and values

The expressions people use often reveal their beliefs and values. The words 'can' and 'can't' in particular are a clear indication of a belief. The same is true when ideas are presented dogmatically, with no room for debate. When beliefs are deeply held, they often lead to black and white thinking. Words such as 'right' and 'wrong', 'appropriate' and 'inappropriate', 'good' and 'bad', 'should' and 'shouldn't', and 'important' and 'unimportant' tell you immediately that someone is talking in terms of their values.

Where do beliefs and values come from?

Beliefs and values are not innate. We don't arrive as babies with them all neatly organized. We acquire and develop them as we strive to make sense of the world. But where do they come from? The following are some of the factors:

Imprint experiences: Significant experiences during the imprint stage, up to the age of seven, often result in limiting or empowering beliefs.

The culture we grow up in: Our parents play a large part in shaping how we think. Many of us follow the same religion as our family. And how often do you see small boys wearing the same football team colors as their father?

Unconscious modeling: As we grow up we naturally copy not just the behaviors of others but their values and beliefs as well.

Feedback from others: Parents often tell children what they can't do, not what they can - rather than praising success they criticize failure. As a result, people establish negative perceptions of themself.

Repetitive experiences: The more we think about something or are exposed to it, the more credible it becomes, and over time it can be established as a belief

Peer groups: Other people we meet have different values and beliefs from us, and sometimes we change to fit in with them, or discover attitudes that seem to suit us better.

Reference experiences: Sometimes all it takes is a one-off life event to change what people believe is possible, for good or ill. Imagine how you would feel after delivering a successful presentation in front of 80 people and coming out brimming with confidence.

Role models: We often take on the values and beliefs of those we admire. Princess Diana influenced many people with her perceived characteristics of compassion and charity. Reading about someone who has completed the New York Marathon at the age of 80 may be just the trigger we need to start running ourselves.

Organizational culture: It can be hard to settle and thrive if your values and beliefs are at odds with those of the company you work for.

The media: Increasingly we live in a 'media landscape' created by newspapers, the radio and television, which plays a large part in shaping our beliefs and values.